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"Teach only Love,
 For that is what you are."

      
from A Course In Miracles

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MASTERY

The ability to be happy regardless of circumstances.

 
"Squeezed between Who-I-am-afraid-I-am, and Who-I-wish-I-were lives Who-I-Am;"
                                         From "Inner-Sights" - Marrrek
 

Yesterday a friend of mine I had not talked to for several months emailed me:
"
I know I have not been in contact, but your words are in my head daily. You made a big difference in my life - not for just a weekend, but every day since."

I was amazed! She was talking about an email I had sent her in response to her issues regarding having a "control drama", as well as always "running short on time". Since the email had such an impact on her I figured it may be of value to others, so I am sharing its contents here. 
 

There is a constant struggle for attention in my mind between three versions of myself
1. The person who I am afraid I am or might be (my feared Self)
2. The person who I think I should be or wish I were (my ideal Self)
3. The person I actually am (my true Self)
Of these three, two are illusions and one is real.
Two are based on lies, and one on truth.
One is based in fear, one is based in fantasy and one is based in reality.
One lives in the past, one lives in the future, and only one lives in the present.
 
The person I am now is the only real one that exists, and only in this present moment, and this present moment, and this present moment, ....
 

USING YOUR OTHER SENSES

If what I am intuiting about you is true, you have many senses that are underutilized. But with so much seeming success using your brilliant mind ("If you think you only have a hammer, everything starts looking like a nail."), you tend to want to use it more and more, even for issues that require being "sensible" instead of "mind-full". (Excuse the puns, I know you like them)
 
I was talking about the word "drama" having an emotional connotation, and being laden with emotional baggage. The word drama in our culture is often used overly dramatically. :) 
 

NLP - NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING -
THE POWER OF OUR WORDS

There is scientific evidence that indicates that how we say things has a measurable impact on our body-mind. Our brain neurons are reprogrammed by our thoughts and words.
Try to sense what is evoked in subtle energy in yourself with just the simple sentence: "I am working on my control drama." It evokes certain emotional responses, as NLP professes, that may not be conducive to creating a safe space for learning. The word "drama" is a judgment. What you could start noticing more is how often you use judgmental words almost out of habit, and how they make you feel. Getting sensitive to your own language (HOW you talk with others about yourself, but also how your mind phrases your mind talk) can open up a huge arsenal of tools for you, as opposed to trying to use your mental hammer on everything that's not a nail.
 
For example, sense the difference in energy in your body between saying: 
"I have to ..." and "I want to ...".
"I need ..." and "I would like ..."
"I must ..." and "I could try ..."
"I should ..." and "I prefer ..."
I'm not saying these are equivalent in meaning, but you can sense the built-in stress and conflict energy in the first phrase of each pair, and the somewhat calm and peaceful energy in the second phrase. It may be subtle, but a lifetime of talking to yourself (and others) with subtle but persistent stress and inner conflict will wear on body and mind in the long term. It not only affects our happiness but also our physical health. 
 

LIVING OUT OF ABUNDANCE INSTEAD OF SHORTAGE

This also applies to how we handle meeting life's demands and our schedule. If you are acting often as if you are running short of time ("So many things to handle, so little time!"), the energy you are giving yourself with this lack of time is stressful. What if you switched and got that time is actually abundant (time has never run out so far, especially not for reincarnating Buddhists :) )
When you start from a belief in abundance, you can still manage your schedule to appreciate the abundance (wasting it is not the intent of abundance), and you still may not be able to do all the things you would like to do, but the difference is in the experience of your own energy. Being happy while doing, rather than hoping to be happy after having done.
 
The belief in shortage is actually based on a false assumption we make: that somehow we know how much there SHOULD be (of time, money, food, love or any other resource in our lives). Another God complex unveiled. This applies also to your thinking about where you think you should be in your life right now at your age. You should be more successful, advanced, and time is running short (T/F/DK?). Underneath it is a subtle but core belief that time is running out. Which creates stress and more demands on yourself for shaping up and trying harder, smarter, better, different. Good luck getting happy with that approach ! (sorry for the sarcasm).
 

BEING MORE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF

So even if you THINK the use of the word "drama" is appropriate, try to sense how you feel when you use it, every time you use it. And check if there is another way of saying it, to see how you feel. "I want to feel more relaxed in my life." versus "I am working on my control drama." The only people who work on their control drama are the ones who are still believing they have one, so the sentence is actually an affirmation of "I (still) have a control drama."
 
While names and labels can provide convenient shortcuts for long terms and phrases, they can also add a level of discomfort, unease or worse, fear or reactivity, that is actually inhibiting learning. You may be life shocking yourself every time you think or say or hear the words "control drama" or even just "drama". And the ego mind loves drama, which is its way of getting attention, which it believes equates to getting love. It doesn't matter if it's negative or positive attention.
 

ALL JUDGMENT IS BAD :)

This also relates to the mirror process: your judgment in what you believe you see in the mirror, is the same judgment that says you should be further along on your path at your age. Not only is the judgment not helping any, but you may even believe that without the judgment (that you have a control drama and that this is bad) you would be going down this "wrong" path even further. Nothing could be farther from the truth; the judgment is actually AT THE CORE of issue, and it's the driven-ness behind the judgment ("I SHOULD be ...") that keeps the issue(s) going even longer.
 
And your inner-child is hiding out because this is not safe space to show up, or to learn.
 

THE JUDGMENT SPIRAL

The more you judge yourself for not having lived up to your own expectations, or for having "bad" behaviors or traits, the more you will feel driven to control them. And the more driven you become, the less happy you will be. All of which in turn will create more judgment about how things are spiraling more downward (which in fact they are in your mind), and causing more demand for self control, control of others, control of Life itself, and more driven-ness to figure out how to solve the problem of Life itself seeming out of your control.

 A LIFE WITHOUT JUDGMENT - ACCEPTANCE

The ego mind will claim that a life without judgment would require that one blindly accepts everything in one's life, and one would become a doormat, without ambitions. That too is a judgment (that it's bad to be a doormat and who says there are no happy doormats  :) ).
 
The ego mind thrives on judgment because that's how it gets attention:
"Watch out or you are going to embarrass yourself. Listen to me or bad things will happen. I've kept you safe and alive so far, no ? I am your one and only true friend. I've always been there for you telling you what dangers to avoid. You can trust me. " It's the snake in the Garden of Eden.
 
What it is not saying is the truth:
"I am the one who constantly instills fear into you by telling you all the bad things that could happen, or all the things you should have done, or failed to do. I am the one who makes your life a living nightmare, not your circumstances, but my many interpretations, judgments, beliefs, expectations  Heck, without any of that stuff, you could be happy regardless of circumstances, in an instant. My fears instill your resistance to Life as it is."
 
So here is my desire for you to get:

THE TRUTH ABOUT (YOUR) LIFE

The secret to your success lies not in (improving) your ability to control the (external) circumstances of your life to meet your demands, expectations, wishes, beliefs and judgments. Most of (your) life may NEVER be under your control.
 
The secret to your success lies in (improving) your ability to be happy regardless of circumstance, and THAT is always fully available for you to control if you so wish: your experience of your circumstances.
 
Your experience is determined by your mind's software, which is totally (re)programmable.
Debugging it may take a life time, however. :)
But it's always wonderful to upgrade !
 
Love always.
Marrrek

 

The Moral of the Story
All desire leads to suffering.
         
 - Buddha

We live in a world that seems to be filled with people who pursue their desires whether they be material, experiential or spiritual. The basic assumption is that attaining what we desire will make us happy. The fact is that we spend most of our time in a state of non-attainment, of suffering.

Ultimately, the core belief that something will make us happy, is an acknowledgement that we are not happy with the way things are, the way our life is, or Life is period. By constant acknowledgment of our unfulfilled desires, we create our own hells.

Let us return the world to love, one person at a time, beginning with me.           - Marrrek

 
The Serenity Prayer
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

       
 
 
My Vision
To be a force for good,
to leave this world better than I found it,
to do all that I can,
with what I have,
in the time I have,
in the place I am.
       
 - Marrrek

I want to inspire and motivate others to do the same, to create heaven on earth, together.